mirlinpoplar

The only way I can describe Barnbash 11 is just to tell you about it from my own personal experience with it rather than trying to be like a reporter of the event in general. This was my third time as a guest at Barnbash but it was my first time as a performer. It all started at Barnbash 10, when I commented to my friend Robb that I thought we should try getting a band together. A few months later Robb wanted to buy Ben's Motorcycle as a gift for his mother so during that transaction, I asked Ben if we could play at Barnbash and Ben said that we could. It was that week that I made a Myspace page for us and we began practicing and working on a song list. For our first year, we had practice two or three times a week. It took quite some time for Robb and I to merge our playing styles and learn songs together. Robb's not a singing man and I'm not much of one, but we worked hard, all the while looking for someone else to sing with me and other band members. Finally sometime in August 2007, Jeremiah Clark from Salt Lake City, Utah joined us on bass guitar. Jeremiah is an experienced bassist and we were slightly in awe of how well he picked up our songs and learned the bass parts.

When people ask what sort of music we play, I often replay that we play "chinky-chink" as a joke about the sound I think our acoustic guitars make, but I'd have to honestly say that we endeavor to play classic rock, folk and blues. It's quite possible that some folks can hear a slight country influence as one of my earliest real life mentors was a brother-like friend named David Fowler who played country and southern rock when I was in High School and because of my slight southern accent. With that in mind, our goal this year was to play with plugged up acoustic guitars and whomever would join us.

What we got at Ben's Barnbash this year was a smorgasbord of various styles and sounds as we tried to find out niche and join in with others who were playing there this year.

We found out earlier from Ben that we would only be playing 20 minutes Saturday around noon for our main appearance but that we could also play Friday Night and later around midnight on Saturday night. Unfortunately, our bassist Jeremiah could only make it for our performance at noon on Saturday so we had to play the other times without him.

We arrived at Barnbash later on Friday evening than we intended to because Robb had to work late and we ended up arriving just as the band that was supposed to be following us arrived. Ben made arrangements for us to play in between sets for them. We soon found that the guys, who brought all of their own equipment we called "El KaBong" a name they derived from the arch nemesis of cartoon character "Quick Draw McGraw". Compared to us, these guys were smooth and polished. They played mostly instrumental and they were quite talented and professional despite their young age. Some of them were as young as 19 years of age and I was very impressed. I mean, hear I am, almost forty, and I am just now getting the nerve to try this and I still have a lot of nervousness about it.

I asked them if we could plug up to their equipment to play and they were more than happy to oblige us. I realized during their set that they had no microphone and I really wanted Robb and I to plug up. I really didn't think we could play without a microphone so I temporarily cancelled our performance for that night, but the guys in El KaBong told us that they actually did have a microphone, just no stand. They were inventive and used electrical tape to secure the microphone to a cymbal stand from their drum set. So I let Ben know we were back on and before long, we were up their playing our songs.

Now I am no great singer, but I don't think I am bad either. Let's put it this way, I enjoy making the effort. Friday night was in great form as I sang a few of our songs and the guys from El KaBong and a few others cheered us on. It was slightly uncomfortable bending slightly as I played guitar and sang because the rigged mike stand went straight up. I had to do this in order to keep my guitar from hitting the stand as I played, but I had to stand with my lips as close as I could to the mike so I could be heard. After playing about 5 songs my back had had enough so we knocked off early. At that point, I truly felt satisfied and was happy to wait till the next day to do more. Little did I know, the best part of the night was yet to come.

Not long after El Kabong began playing their second set, I heard them playing The Doors' "Love Me Two Times". I began singing it and Aaron pointed to the mike, letting me know I should sing. At first I was reluctant but hey, I know the song, I love the song, so I got up there and did it and had a ball. I even hit the high notes at the end. Then they played a slowed down version of "Things We Said Today" by The Beatles. Yes, you know, I should know all the words but I haven't listened to "early" Beatles in quite some time, but I had fun singing what I could remember. We even rocked up a version of Leadbelly's "Where did you sleep last night?" and had a ball doing it. Too bad there was no video camera to capture that because the spontaneity of it was awesome. It can never be duplicated.

Well that jam was the highlight of Barnbash for me.

The next morning, I woke up and took Ken to McDonald's. We had breakfast and brought some back for Robb.

Then Ben had us help with the bon fire preparation. I didn't mind helping, I just wanted some practice time.

We are very inexperienced, and I really wish there had been someone to say "Ok now this is what you should expect .... and blah blah blah so we would be prepared, ... but honestly we had no idea when to go on, how to plug up, what a sound guy was, how Ben introduced us, how long we'd have to play or anything. We were just kind of thrown to the fire.

I guess Ben is just used to dealing with guys who have more experience and have done this a lot more than we have.

In any case, we did get a "bit" of practice with El Kabong on drums. Unfortunately, we couldn't take their drums on stage because a drum set was already set up for the act following us (see we had no idea how things worked). We just felt we'd sound a lot better if Matt drummed for us and he was good at jumping in regardless of whether or not he actually new what we were going to play, he's a good drummer. Well Ben said we couldn't ask the guys in the band that followed us if Matt could use their drums, so Matt ended up using a Djembe. Matt did well on it, but it sounded nowhere near as good as the drum set did during the brief practice we had.

Here I was thinking ... Ok, Ben will let us know when to go up. I'll grab a quick drink to calm my nerves, then we'll go up calmly. I'll tape my cheat sheet where I can see it, and my song list as well ... on the mike, like I do at home. We'll get plugged in, the sound guy will give us a few bits of info, then when Ben sees we are ready, he'll come up and introduce us ... and then we'll play.

But no it was more like .... Ok you guys are up. I got my drink, downed it, went on stage, the sound guy is throwing down lines, I'm getting out my cheat sheet and song list to tape up and Ben is like "hurry up I have to introduce you" and I'm like "hang on a minute" ... and I am nervously trying to tape up my cheat sheet so I can see it ... and of course since I am in a hurry and now double nervous, I can't get it taped up right, so I can't see it, so I can't even use it. Ben introduces us ... and it's like ... I am just not mentally prepared. I felt rushed, nervous and exposed. So I forgot to introduce the band, I forgot lyrics, I missed chord changes and I felt like an idiot. Ben had earlier said that because we were bumped up in time that we'd actually get to do our entire song list ... but halfway through it, he stopped us and said "one more song".

Now did we actually suck that bad that he felt he had to stop us ... OR did he just forget he had told us that. I don't know.

But I was like ... well had I known we would be cut short, I would have played other songs than I did instead of going down the list from 1 to 13.

So yeah, it wasn't exactly like I thought it was going to be but it was still a damned fine learning experience and I'd love to do it again next year. It was filmed but unfortunately, we were somewhat silhouetted and also the guy we gave the camera to was rather shaky. He was a good guy named Ian, who does the booking for El Kabong.

Anyway, by night time, Ben announced some of the bands that would be playing after midnight and I didn't hear him say Quarry Bank. He did announce that we had played earlier that day ... but when talking about Band's to play after midnight, he said El Kabong and a few other names I didn't recognize. So I thought, well ok, I guess we aren't playing then. I knew however that I would be singing with El Kabong so that was fine.

Robb actually left to go get Faeth and her friend Laurenne and when he returned with them, he brought our mike, amp and electric guitars. We let El Kabong use the amp and mike later that night.

So about 9pm, I gathered with El Kabong after smoking, drinking and talking all day. We did a silent rehearsal and lo and behold, my voice was gone. Great ! I drank pure lemon juice and sucked honey out of the bottle for three hours trying to get my voice back. I didn't talk, drink or smoke for three hours. Then after the outside bands were over. El Ka Bong began playing inside. Then, ... they called me up. Faeth lay ASLEEP on the couch and missed me singing, and that made me feel bad. Isn't this girl, my daughter, at all interested in anything I do? Oh well. I sang the songs again, like I had the night before. My voice was back somewhat. Ian was filming us. Unfortunately, some very rude people were screaming and being obnoxious as he filmed and it can be seen in the video because one of them pulled the camera towards them and stuck out their tongue. I am not sure, but it seems I was being made fun of. Considering the fact that three hours earlier, I couldn't even talk, I think I did pretty well up until the very end of "Love Me Two Times" when my voice cracked on notes that I could normally hit. Sounded like shit, but I didn't sweat it, I was really having fun.

Twice a year, I drink and get shit faced now, at Barnbash and at Ben's New Year's Party. The rest of the year, I may take a drink here and there. I love bourbon so I always drink Jim Beam and coke or Soco and coke or ET and coke and now ... Captain Morgan and Dr. Pepper. Well, I enjoy it. My parents were alcoholics and so were my brothers, so I always avoided alcohol. So in my late 30's, I began drinking and enjoying bourbon, scotch and whiskey. I like it, but in moderation ... except at Ben's parties.

I am grateful to Ben for storing my stuff for me, remaining my friend in spite of my debt to him, and for welcoming to his parties. His parties give me a chance to just drink, be happy and not give a fuck. I am so thankful that I am a happy drunk.

I've never been much of a partier, but I feel safe at Ben's. I know there are people there who aren't gonna let me get into trouble. So that's why I do it there.

While at Barnbash, I did become quite enamored with Clare. I just couldn't tell if she was interested in me or was she just being friendly. I had to finally tell myself that she was just being friendly but I REALLY liked her. She got so close to me and I liked that. She didn't mind if I put my arm around her or kissed her, although I didn't do that too much, I didn't want to be obnoxious, plus she was working, she had things to do. You know, it would have been nice to hook up with her, she was so nice to me, although her yelling during my video was kind of annoying, and I can overlook that. I don't want someone to fuck necessarily, I just want someone to hold and be held by and cuddle and kiss and wrap up in a blanket and feel close to me. I would have liked to have done that with her, ... that's all. I'm far too shy too do much more so quickly. I don't know, I just want to be careful not to make a fool of myself. I didn't know if she was taken or what, I was afraid to ask. I didn't want to be disappointed by verbalizing it I guess. I definitely felt something with her, but I don't know what it was. Laurenne actually told Faeth that she thought Clare was "macking" on me, whatever the hell that means. Faeth didn't like that too much. Faeth doesn't seem to like anything that gives me any measure of happiness, so I just have had to learn to disregard her and her opinion whenever I can. I used to be close with my daughter but we have grown apart. I can't trust her enough for me to be myself around her anymore. I always have my guard up around her now. I am always suspicious of her motives. She never does anything to show that she cares about me, so I have just resigned myself to the fact that she doesn't and that I should just get over it and move on it my life. When she moves out in November, we'll go our separate ways and if she wants anything to do with me ... she'll find me, just like before. I can't beg for her affection, nor anyone else's. I have too much pride for that. Love me or don't. Just don't waste my time. If you love me, show me, or leave me ... or whatever, I don't know. I just want emotional peace and stability and I haven't had that in the five years I have been in New York State.

That is probably why I miss the south so much, because I had peace there. Here, ... everything is chaos and turmoil. I miss the south. I miss girls with southern accents and I miss real barbecue, not this crap they have in NY they call "Pulled Pork". I never heard the tern "Pulled Pork" till I came up here. What yankee came up with that name anyway? It's barbecue for god's sake ... and Dinosaur barbecue sucks, I'm sorry. I might go there to see 40 Rod Lightning later this month, I liked those guys ... and Tom came up to me after we played and told me he really liked us and said I had a nice voice. That was so nice of him considering how much I sucked.

Oh gods, I am on a rant aren't I? Ok, well anyway.

Ben honored me with a warm hug, which I really liked. Hugs are good no matter who they come from, but it was Ben, and Ben is such a bear of a man, it felt good. He also gave me his music stand, and it's a good one, good metal, like orchestras use. I have admired it for years, I am so honored that he let me have it, very surprised to say the least. I was just pointing it out to Robb that that's the kind I wanted and Ben just like walked over and gave it to me. I couldn't bring it home though, he needed it for the wedding that was going to happen later on Sunday. We couldn't stay for that. I had to get some sleep and I had to get Ken's clothes washed. You see, that was our last weekend with Ken before he was placed in a home. We have to now move out of his house.

The past week, Robb and I have been running over to the home where he now lives, shaving him, taking him bananas and making sure he showers. I really feel he needs us now more than ever. Today he asked me several times when he was going home. I just had to tell him, "I don't think you're coming home Ken. We can't pay the taxes, the reverse mortgage people are taking over soon and they want to foreclose on the house. We have to move out." He just looked at me and said, "But it's paid for."

How can I explain to this man what has happened in a way he can understand. His nephew-by-marriage swindled all his money with an illegal power of attorney and no one can do a damn thing about it. Ken should have been able to live in this house until he died ... but thanks to greed veiled as Schizophrenia, he has become a victim where the lack of laws in New York State fail him.

I'm glad Ken was with us at Barnbash. I am glad that Ken's caseworker, Dianne said that we could pick up Ken and take him to Ben's parties in the future and other things. Ben likes Ken too and that's good. As long as their are bananas, tea and jelly toast around Ken is happy. He's a good man. I love him with all my heart. I wish I was rich so I could keep him at home and take care of him till he died. Well, at least Ken knows I love him and he cares about me and has no concept of rich or poor or wealth or success. He likes all people equally and it's not based upon what you can or cannot do for him or how you dress or how successful in life you have or haven't been. The only other person who is like that is my dog, Little Miss Rabb. Dogs and old people ... and bourbon ... yup ....

Anyway, I am hoping I can get together with El Kabong later this month. I hear they have a new singer named Laura. Friends of mine in the band "LowKey" know them. Small World eh? I want to contact that massage therapist who gave me a massage at Barnbash and have her work on me. Hers was the best massage and I didn't hurt for days after she did her thing on me. Damned Sciatica. I also hope that through exposure at Barnbash, we can a few new members of our band. Jeremiah will only be here about another 6 months and then he's back to Salt Lake City. Too bad, he picked up everything so quick. Made us sound a lot better he did. Gods if we only had a drummer. Isn't that the eternal cry of most bands all the way back to The Beatles and their many drummerless periods before they hit it big.

Speaking of hitting it big, I don't want to hit it big, I just want to play and sing and perform and I want to do it well and I want people to like it. I want to get better and better at it so that's why I believe in "practice" a lot more than Robb does. I just want us to "not suck". And I want people to like me because of it. I don't want to be famous, I want to be liked. I don't want to be made fun of for being the fat guy on stage either, I just want people to like the music. We just have to get more musicians and we have to get better, and I need to work on my voice. Damnit though, I love smoking when I drink. I love smoking in general. Why does it have to ruin your lungs and vocal chords??? Damn ! I love smoking, and I just can't anymore. What's that Robb says? Mother Hell? Yup, that's how I feel. MOTHER HELL !!!! I wanna smoke.

Well, I love cigars because it's like smoking without inhaling.

Why am I writing a book, who the hell is ever gonna read all this? I'm not that damned interesting.

Oh ... anyone wanna cuddle? Let me know.

I'm tired. It's 6:30am and I haven't been to bed.

Hey I wanna do Barnbash over again, I want to party damn it!  Come on I'll be 40 in February, I want a party !!!

Ben can I have my 40th birthday party at your barn? Friday February 22nd, I turn 40 WOO HOO. We could have the party Friday Night or Saturday Night. I want someone to rub boobies in my face. Not you though Ben, no offense, a hug is one thing, but no manboobs for me. I want a birthday massage, a stripper, lots of alcohol and rum cake !!!! What do you MEAN who's gonna pay for it? Don't ruin my fantasy by talking about money .... ok let me start over ... boobies boobies boobies rum cake ....boobies.

Ok I'm better.

Ok I am off for a cup of coffee and then I am going to bed. Decaf that is .....

Night ... er ... morning .....